For my guest post, Ben agreed to let me guest post (read: sabotage) his blog and live blog the Oscars. We've got guac, we've got wine, and we've got SASS AND ANGER AT HOW STUPID THESE AWARDS ARE!!!!!
Anyway.
Ben will also be pitching in during these updates. Ben's remarks are signed off with a B.D. initial. Mine are with an A.O. We'll be updating every time something worth writing about happens...
6:56:
AO: "These red carpet commenters over comment so much." -B.D. I agree. You clearly haven't watched a single one of these films. Besides Brooklyn because you WANTED TO BE TRENDY OR SOMETHING EQUALLY DUMB.
6:58:
BD: I'm pretty sure immigrants went through a lot more hardships than home sickness and boy drama... That's Brooklyn!! Well, she did have to poop in a bucket...
7:00:
AO: Robin Roberts is such a beautiful eagle of a woman.
7:07:
AO: SAOIRSE RONAN!!! (Note: I've only seen Spotlight and Inside Out and thus have no authority to comment on film whatsoever. WHATEVER.)
7:15:
AO: Brie Larson... That's an Oscar dress!
7:21:
BD: Everyone on the red carpet always say “The Room” instead of just “Room”… THE Room is Tommy Wiseau’s 2003 MASTERPIECE that was wrongfully #snubbed 12 years ago!!! DO NOT SPEAK ITS NAME UNLESS YOU FINALLY GIVE IT WHAT IT DESERVES!!!
7:28:
AO: Ben is more eloquent than me.
7:29:
AO: Do I play Oscars bingo? Yes? No? YES. Leonardo is already bringing his mom, so I've already got that and the free spot covered!
7:30:
AO: "This already has so many views!" -BD (We have 19. What a feeling.)
7:39:
AO: I really hate how much they're talking about TV versus film. Save that for the Emmys!
7:42:
AO: I don't know if Oscars commercials are anything like Super Bowl commercials, but that Philly/health care commercial was equally as disturbing.
7:47:
AO: Tina Fey clapping for Charlize Theron? Same. Also, the fact that Sisters was passed over for Best Picture. That's some CRAP. (Actually, don't see it. It sucks.)
8:03:
AO: I've always thought ABC is an interesting choice for broadcasting the Oscars. While Disney owns them, I feel like this broadcast fits in somewhere a little...classier. CBS or NBC just feels like a more natural fit. ABC has always felt like a very casual network- besides TGIT/Shondaland of course.
8:12:
BD: Alright, I'm ready for Chris Rock to make everyone rightfully uncomfortable now... 18 MORE MINUTES!!!
8:14:
AO: Mad Max: Fury Road? MORE LIKE MAD STACKS: ROCKY ROAD!
8:20:
AO: You want to see a GREAT Oscars speech? Watch Charlize Theron's Best Actress speech for Monster. You will sob. Also, she looks incredible tonight!
8:24:
AO: Speaking of which, Spotlight is one of the most important films I've ever seen. As someone who works in journalism, it's even more important. Please watch it. The story behind is heartbreakingly tragic, but is so important to read about. The Boston Globe, the newspaper the film is based on, published a great exposé on it.
8:31:
AO: HERE COME THE FORCEFULLY PUT BUT POTENTIALLY WELL EXECUTED #OSCARSSOWHITE JOKES!
8:33:
AO: That sequence made me very emotional. Also, I can't WAIT for when Kate cries when Leo wins!
BD: That was actually a much better montage than usual.
8:38:
AO: Objection, Chris Rock. You know damn well women would be less nominated if there was a "Best Actor Person" category! Also, "Sorority Racist" is the best analogy for systematic racism in Hollywood I've ever heard.
BD: Ok, that sorority joke was pretty good.
8:38:
AO: Objection, Chris Rock. You know damn well women would be less nominated if there was a "Best Actor Person" category! Also, "Sorority Racist" is the best analogy for systematic racism in Hollywood I've ever heard.
BD: Ok, that sorority joke was pretty good.
8:44:
BD: Okay, I was hoping/expecting something much more radical…
AO: Same. The remarks and jokes felt very safe. Integration of sexism was also...interesting.
8:45:
AO: I'm actually liking this format of presenting the awards in the format a film is produced. Might help people not so familiar with film to understand the process!
8:47:
AO: A very well deserved Original Screenplay win for Spotlight!
8:53:
BD: “FLUNG OUT OF SPACE” -CAROL, BEST LINE OF 2015.
AO: "ESOTERIC FINANCE" -ADAM MCKAY, BEST OSCAR SPEECH LINE OF 2015.
BD: The Big Short is whatever I guess… at least I predicted correctly
AO: Steve Carrell? Also, my roommate, who is watching this with us while writing her honors finance thesis, mentioned that it's really hard to make a compelling film out of a business movie. Maybe I'll write a movie on Enron and THAT'S HOW I'LL WIN MY OSCAR!
9:00:
BD: WHOOPI GOLDBERG + LESLIE JONES, 2017 Co-Hosts??
AO: I'd like Sasheer Zamata, personally. Homegirl does great standup. Ben and I laughed our asses off.
9:02:
AO: Stacey Dash makes me feel...Clueless. I'll see myself out.
BD: SLEF DRAG OF STACEY DASH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
9:03:
AO: Sarah Silverman reminds me of your old drunk Jewish grandma at a Bar Mitzvah. At least she'll bring in hella money, and maybe some dank weed.
9:06:
AO: Sam Smith's performance is like that high school boyfriend you had: reliable, but pretty unmemorable and upstaged by the hot college hookup that is Lady Gaga.
9:09:
AO: IS AN INTERN FILMING THIS? This is horrendous!
9:13:
AO: I didn't see The Danish Girl, but congrats to Alicia! I'm just glad it isn't Kate Winslet. Although it would've been so DAMN cute if Kate and Leo won at the same time, but her accent is ALL OVER THE PLACE. Also, Ben called Ex Machina "pseudointellectual." That vocabulary is one of the many reasons we are friends.
9:20:
AO: This costume design category is making me so nostalgic for high school theater, when I designed costumes (read: throwing random articles of clothing on nerdy high schoolers in a creepy windowless costume closet in an asbestos-filled high school. I digress.)
9:27:
AO: All the love for Mad Max in the technical categories but the fact that it'll be ignored in EVERYTHING ELSE got me like:
BD: MAD MAX ABOUT TO SWEEP!!!!!!!
9:31:
BD: How can we live in a world where Mad Max isn’t the obvious frontrunner?!?!?!
AO: #OscarsSoAntiActionAndComedyGenres
9:37:
AO: Ben has only gotten one of these Oscar wins wrong. THIS IS WHY HE WRITES THE FILM BLOG AND I DON'T!
9:43:
BD: "The Minions are coming!!" KEEP THEM OUT!!!!
9:57:
BD: FINALLY, the first legitimate surprise of the night! Ex Machina over Mad Max, The Revenant, and The Force Awakens... very interesting!
9:59:
AO: Sorry y'all, was making more pancakes! Lots of surprises here! JACOB TREMBLAY AND STAR WARS IS SO LOVELY! I really wish I was raised in a household that liked Star Wars. I really feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of culture :(
10:06
AO: I mean, my dad took my Girl Scout order form to his auto sales work? Totally on the same level as Chris Rock. [Update: $60,000? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CAMPING TRIPS THAT FUNDS?]
BD: He’s pulling an “Ellen”. Cookies instead of pizza
10:10:
BD: The Don Hertzfeldt snub… worst of the night :(((((((( #EveryoneWatchWorldOfTomorrow #NowOnNetflix!!!
AO: I'm just really, really nostalgic about Toy Story. Also, why the hell is Rashida Jones writing the fourth one? Go back to being Angie Tribeca. Or Ann Perkins, for that matter.
BD: RASHIDA WILL DO WELL!!!!!!!
AO: Celeste and Jesse Forever WAS pretty dope.
10:13:
AO: CONGRATS TO INSIDE OUT! THIS SPEECH HAS ME VERKLEMPT!
9:06:
AO: Sam Smith's performance is like that high school boyfriend you had: reliable, but pretty unmemorable and upstaged by the hot college hookup that is Lady Gaga.
9:09:
AO: IS AN INTERN FILMING THIS? This is horrendous!
9:13:
AO: I didn't see The Danish Girl, but congrats to Alicia! I'm just glad it isn't Kate Winslet. Although it would've been so DAMN cute if Kate and Leo won at the same time, but her accent is ALL OVER THE PLACE. Also, Ben called Ex Machina "pseudointellectual." That vocabulary is one of the many reasons we are friends.
9:20:
AO: This costume design category is making me so nostalgic for high school theater, when I designed costumes (read: throwing random articles of clothing on nerdy high schoolers in a creepy windowless costume closet in an asbestos-filled high school. I digress.)
9:27:
AO: All the love for Mad Max in the technical categories but the fact that it'll be ignored in EVERYTHING ELSE got me like:
BD: MAD MAX ABOUT TO SWEEP!!!!!!!
9:31:
BD: How can we live in a world where Mad Max isn’t the obvious frontrunner?!?!?!
AO: #OscarsSoAntiActionAndComedyGenres
9:37:
AO: Ben has only gotten one of these Oscar wins wrong. THIS IS WHY HE WRITES THE FILM BLOG AND I DON'T!
9:43:
BD: "The Minions are coming!!" KEEP THEM OUT!!!!
9:57:
BD: FINALLY, the first legitimate surprise of the night! Ex Machina over Mad Max, The Revenant, and The Force Awakens... very interesting!
9:59:
AO: Sorry y'all, was making more pancakes! Lots of surprises here! JACOB TREMBLAY AND STAR WARS IS SO LOVELY! I really wish I was raised in a household that liked Star Wars. I really feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of culture :(
10:06
AO: I mean, my dad took my Girl Scout order form to his auto sales work? Totally on the same level as Chris Rock. [Update: $60,000? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CAMPING TRIPS THAT FUNDS?]
BD: He’s pulling an “Ellen”. Cookies instead of pizza
10:10:
BD: The Don Hertzfeldt snub… worst of the night :(((((((( #EveryoneWatchWorldOfTomorrow #NowOnNetflix!!!
AO: I'm just really, really nostalgic about Toy Story. Also, why the hell is Rashida Jones writing the fourth one? Go back to being Angie Tribeca. Or Ann Perkins, for that matter.
BD: RASHIDA WILL DO WELL!!!!!!!
AO: Celeste and Jesse Forever WAS pretty dope.
10:13:
AO: CONGRATS TO INSIDE OUT! THIS SPEECH HAS ME VERKLEMPT!
10:15:
BD: Kevin Hart being genuine, sincere, and inspiring… Cool!!
AO: I wish I was as comfortable on stage as him.
10:20:
AO: I don't know how to feel about these Oscar speech commercials. What I DO love is Brie Larson and Jacob Tremblay's chemistry together, and am so sad that their press for Room is over soon.
10:28:
AO: Tiny rant here: Can we like also give exposure to Asian, Middle Eastern, Hispanic, Native American (and any other race or ethnicity I'm missing here, I know there are more than I could ever list) female/non-gender binary list, LGBTQ, and/or disabled people in film?Most definitely get the very strong lack of black acknowledgment in film, but I'd love this dialogue to be a teensy bit more inclusive to all of the people who are so damn ignored by the Academy/film industry/entertainment industry/society/the world.
10:29:
AO: I don't care about Boyhood, Patricia Arquette will FOREVER be Kissin' Kate Barlow from Holes.
10:31:
AO: WHAT??????? I WOULD'VE PREFERRED MARK RUFFALO OVER SLY, BUT REALLY? GO BACK TO BROADWAY!
10:33:
BD: Are these surprises indicating a potential Mad Max picture and director win?!?!?!?!
AO: Still holding out for Kate Winslet crying during Leo's Best Actor win.
10:37:
AO: If I'm ever adopted by celebrity parents, I want Louis C.K. to be my celebrity dad.
BD: My celeb parents would be Paul Thomas Anderson and Maya Rudolph. No question about it.
10:41:
AO: Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy is a BADASS. I cannot wait to watch her film.
10:53:
AO: Not sure what's messier: All of these pancakes, or the fact that I recognize now Lifetime Achievement Oscar winner Debbie Reynolds not from Singing in the Rain, but as Aggie Cromwell/Grandma from the Disney Channel classic Halloweentown...
11:00:
AO: I love Dave Grohl, and I love Blackbird. And I LOVE to cry during the recent losses presentation. But this year, I didn't. I feel WEIRD! But the death of Daniel Gerson does hit hard. The people at Pixar are magical, and to lose that magic to as something as awful as brain cancer is awful.
11:04:
AO: "Thanks Chris, I loved you in Madagascar!" I'M SOBBING! JACOB IS SO CUTE!
11:11:
AO: Joe Biden's appearance means a lot. To have someone in the public eye AND a political figure actually care about sexual assault- a cause that's been so shoved under the rug until now- is really big.
And now I'm crying.
11:20:
AO: I broke. Lady Gaga has been my savior since high school, in a time I felt really, really alone. That song and performance might've been the most important thing to happen on TV in a really long time. To say she is incredible is an understatement.
11:27:
AO: UUUUUUUUUUUGH SAM SMITH. Lady Gaga wrote a song so personal and important and SAM SMITH WINS FOR A BORING BOND SONG? DONE. And he misquoted Ian McKellen!
11:29:
AO: Let's be real here: I missed Ali G.
11:38:
AO: Sad for George Miller, and very angry that Inarritu can get away with being a diva and going over budget! Crew should never be treated so poorly! However, it IS historic that a Hispanic director has won TWO YEARS IN A ROW.
11:43:
AO: They're doing Best Actress before Best Actor! This is so rare! LEO IS SO WINNING!
11:49:
AO: STARTED FROM THE HOOT/SLEEPOVER/21 JUMP STREET, NOW WE HERE! Congrats, Brie! She genuinely seems like one of the most down to earth and refreshing actresses in Hollywood.
11:55:
AO: "Is everybody fucking happy now?" -Ben on Leo's Oscar.
Congrats, dude.
Still should've won for Catch Me If You Can, though.
12:01:
AO: SPOTLIGHT SPOTLIGHT SPOTLIGHT!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
NOW WILL EVERYONE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY TO GO SEE IT?
If you are even remotely involved in journalism, if you were raised Catholic, and/or if you care about sexual abuse survivors.
This film is so. damn. important.
12:03:
AO: Signing off. SIX HOURS OF BLOGGING. I am exhausted, and tomorrow is my first day of work, but this was SO WORTH IT!
Ben just left my apartment, so he is signing off too!
Ben just left my apartment, so he is signing off too!
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